You
may be seated. Greetings in the name
of the Lord Jesus Christ! I thank God and this congregation for this
opportunity to stand behind the anointed desk which we call a pulpit. I’m also grateful
for this opportunity to bring to you the word of God, as the Lord has laid it
upon my heart.
What I would like to talk to you about today are the
five most important things in your life. I want everyone here to think about
what the five most important things in your life are. Most of you were here
when I presented my list during Part 1 of this series, so you should know where
I’m heading. For those of you who’ve heard the first part, I would hope that
you’ve prayed over that list. I would also hope that you’ve made it your own.
There are so many things in this world that we would
like to do. There are so many sights to see, so many kinds of food we would
like to cook, or just to eat. So many projects we would like to finish, build a
shed, plant a garden, refinish the cabinets or work on an old car. The women
might want to sew a dress, remodel the kitchen, or just soak in a bathtub
filled with bubble bath.
But there are many things in this life that we have “need”
of doing. These are not optional things, these are not just honey-dos’, these
are things that must be done or there will be a great price to pay. A cost that
you can’t afford comfortably, if at all.
How do you accomplish those goals that must be done
and balance them with the things that you would like to get done? You
prioritize, that’s how! You have to learn to prioritize things or they may jump
up and bite you like a bad dog.
· If you don’t water your lawn and flower
beds, all your plants and grass will die, and all your hard work will have gone
to waste.
· If you don’t change the oil in your car, you
will be replacing the motor; or even the whole car much sooner than necessary.
· If you don’t repair a leaky roof, you will
be replacing almost everything in your house, like flooring, cabinets, doors,
ceilings, furniture, and the sheet rock on your walls.
· If you don’t maintain your relationship with your
family, you may lose one or all of them.
Today, we will discuss what I believe the
prioritizations should be for a Christian. You have hopefully made your own list
of the most important things in your life, I will now give you mine. The five
most important things in your life; in my personal opinion, are as follows: I
ask that you repeat them with me. The very first is:
1. Your personal, intimate, eternal, relationship with
God.
2. Your personal, intimate, till death do us part,
relationship with your spouse.
3. Your personal, intimate, until they leave home,
relationship with your children.
4. Your personal, intimate, till the rapture,
relationship with your local church.
5. Your personal, intimate, till you retire, relationship
with your job.
We’ve already talked about our number one priority in
life. Our personal, intimate, eternal, relationship with God. If we don’t have
that relationship in place on a personal level, we’ll never be able to minister
to this community effectively on a corporate, congregational level.
Since this lesson is labeled “Part 2” I’m sure you can
figure out what we will be talking about today. If you would all please stand with
me for the reading of God’s holy word.
Genesis 2:18, 21-24 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused
a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and
closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken
from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is
now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because
she was taken out of
You may be seated:
As we can see, early on God made it
very plain that a man was to cherish his wife. Next to God she is to be the
most important thing in his life. As I will endeavor to show throughout this
lesson, every man, and every woman is to have a personal, intimate, till death
do us part, relationship with their spouse.
Let’s just show the personal part first. As it says in the passage in Genesis which we just
read,
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
This is known as the process of leaving and cleaving.
When a man gets married, he is to leave Momma, and cleave to his wife. Your
Mother is no longer your nurturer, your provider, or the comforter of your
hurts whether mental or physical. That is the job of your wife.
If you have problems at work and you
take it to Mom instead of to God and your wife, you’re asking for problems on
the home front, and on the spiritual front. That doesn’t mean that you can’t
have a relationship with your mother any more. It just means that it must take
a secondary position as compared to the relationship you have with your wife.
A home will never be happy with two
women in it. Just as there can only be one head of a household, there can only
be one woman running the inner workings of that home. That woman is to be your
wife. If your mother doesn’t like that, tell her to get over it.
Do it in a nice way of course, but you need to make it
clear that her job is over when it comes to you. Let her know that if she wants
to be important in your life, and that of your family, she needs to show your
wife the due respect that she wanted when she first got married.
I’m not saying that everyone is going to have in-law
problems. But not every mother is ready to let go of her son, and not every son
is ready to let go of his mother.
Parents, the most important thing you can do for your
kids when they get married is: When they say “I do”, you need to say “I don’t”!
From that point on, they need to make their own way. If you’re constantly
helping them, they will never learn to make it on their own. They need to learn
to plan for emergencies, they need to know how to create, and live on a budget.
You need to teach them these skills before they get married! If they ask your
advice, give it to them. But don’t smother them with advice if they aren’t
doing things exactly like you would. Otherwise, you’ll stand a great chance of
losing your relationship with your children.
Now ladies, lest you feel left out, I have a small
word for you in this lesson. When you get married, do not expect your new
husband to have his total act together and be the perfect husband. I hate to
break this to you but there’s a long and arduous time period of training and
adjustment your husband will have to go through before he’s the perfect husband
in your eyes. As many older couples will attest, they’re still working on that
same thing after thirty, forty, or even fifty years, so be patient!
Your husband will not be the man you perceive your
father to be for many years. Your father was not the man you perceive him to be
for many years either! It takes time, love, care, patience, and maturity in
order for a man to grow into the position of husband. A man will only become as
good of a husband as his wife will allow him to be.
She can hammer him until he becomes broken, and he
will be worthless from that time forth. Or she can build him up at every
opportunity, and he can become anything he has a vision to become. You may
notice I said anything “He has a vision to become”. It’s not all about you
ladies, your man needs to get a vision from God for your collective lives, and
you need to back him on that vision. Proverbs says it this way:
Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish
plucketh it down with her hands.
Ladies;
are you building your house, or are you tearing it down? Are you enabling your
husband to become a mature man of God, or are you doing the devil’s work and
ripping him to shreds? How great of a man of God your husband becomes, and how
great of a husband he becomes will in large measure depend on how much support
and encouragement you’ve given him.
Not all
the success will be because of you, he has a ‘freewill’ too. But neither will
all his failures be attributable to you either, for that same reason. But woe
to the woman that feels she has to break her man to mold him into the image she
has of what a man should be. Once that happens, he will no longer be a man. He
will no longer be a leader, he will be a cowering wreck of a human being that’s
looking for a place to crash and burn. Ladies, build up your husband and quit
tearing him down.
Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish…..
Pray for your husband, and pray for his vision, then
submit to his leadership and watch him grow into the man you knew he could be
when you agreed to marry him! Pray that God gives you a vision of what you are
to do to help your husband to perform what God has required of him in his
vision. Be a road builder, not a road block.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so
love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
I want you ladies to pay close
attention to the last part of that scripture. It speaks to the wife that she
reverence her husband. Men, the woman is not commanded to love you, so get over
it.
She is however, commanded to reverence her husband. In
other words, she is to always show respect to her husband.
She is not to bad-mouth him, either to his face or behind his back. She is not
to gripe continually at him because he isn’t the perfect man she thinks he
should be. There is no such thing as “constructive criticism”. Criticism tears
down, it never builds up.
Ladies, if you want your husband to change in certain
areas, don’t criticize his current failures. Tell him how happy it would make
you if he just changed a little bit in that area. When he “tries” to do that; be
sure to show him that you appreciate his efforts instead of badgering him for
any potential failure to do it perfectly.
Men, whatever you do, “do
not” complain about your wife to your mother. Ladies, “do
not” complain about your relationship to your dad. If you have any
complaints, take it to the source, your spouse. No one else is allowed!
You will have difficulties in a
marriage. Marriage is a personal thing and you need to work out any issues you
might have with each other. Outsiders are not allowed in any such area. If you
want to destroy your marriage, take your problems outside your marriage.
If you are having problems in your
marriage:
· Don’t take it to multiple time divorcees for advice.
· Don’t take it to your single friends for advice.
· Don’t take it to the hairdresser for advice.
· Don’t take it to the barber for advice.
· Don’t take it to unsaved for advice.
Here’s what you need to do:
· Take it to God in prayer.
· Read everything in your bible on the subject.
· Take it to your spouse and discuss the current issues,
not past ones.
· Seek wise, Godly counsel from your Pastor.
· Pray, pray, and then pray some more.
· Submit to your scriptural role in the marriage.
· Always, keep the lines of communication open between
you and your spouse!!!!!
Remember, you must include the personal in your
relationship with your spouse.
Now we will
endeavor to show the intimate part of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man
have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband
render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the
husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise
also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not
one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you
not for your incontinency.
Yes, we’re talking about sex.
This is what God was talking about in Genesis 2:24 when He was talking about the two
shall become one flesh. As we can see, it’s very important in a relationship to
maintain that union; that you remain one flesh.
Let’s look at what happens when
couples fail to maintain that relationship. Notice in Verse 2 it say to avoid fornication.
The word translated fornication in this passage comes from the Greek work “Por-ni’ ah” this word means harlotry,
adultery, incest, and fornication. It makes you wonder if this isn’t the root
word for the modern word “Pornography”.
Whether male or female, when you cut
off your spouse to punish them, control them, or just because of your own
selfishness; because your lesser need has already been met in this area, you’re
sinning in the sight of God. You’re pushing your spouse to look outside the
bonds of marriage for fulfillment in this area. That does not excuse
extramarital affairs, but you’re just as guilty as they are if you’re
withholding yourself from your spouse.
Intimacy concerns more than just sex!
It concerns romance as well. It has been said that “Men romance women in order to
get sex, while women give sex in order to get romance”. I can’t say for sure,
because I’m single and obviously have no experience in marriage. All I can tell
you is that the bible teaches that we should romance our spouses. Let’s turn to
the book of the Song of Solomon.
Song of Solomon 2:1-6 I am the rose of
As we read that passage we see where
she builds up her man in verses one, two, and three. In verses four and five,
he wines and dines her so to speak, and the marriage act takes place in verse
six.
Song of Solomon 4:1-7 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art
fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats,
that appear from
Notice how Solomon woos her. He tells
her that her teeth are white, they are all there, and they’re perfect. That may
not seem all that great of a compliment to you, but in that day they had no
dentists. That may be the ultimate proclamation of her perfection. I think he
was telling her she had a beautiful smile. He tells her that her lips are of a
beautiful color, that her speech is ladylike, that the coloration of her skin
is as the pomegranate. Women today have to pay lots of money to buy makeup so
their skin might look so perfect. He tells her that her neck is a work of art,
and that her figure would satisfy any man. He ends by telling her that she is a
perfect woman in whom is no spot or blemish in his eyes.
Women love to be romanced, Men you
need to practice romance in your marriage. I think you’ll be very glad you did!
Your spouse will see to that!
Now we come to the “Till death do us part” portion of
this bible study.
Matthew 19:3-9 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and
saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4: And
he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at
the beginning made them male and female, 5: And said, For this cause shall a man leave
father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one
flesh? 6:
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined
together, let not man put asunder. 7: They say unto him, Why did Moses then command
to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8: He saith unto them, Moses because
of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from
the beginning it was not so. 9: And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away
his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth
adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
As you can see, God does not want you to be divorced.
As soon as you say “I do”, the word divorce should never, ever cross your lips
in relationship to your own marriage. Marriage is a life time commitment, and
you should have the maturity, and the determination to work out any problems in
your marriage.
Listen closely to me! Divorce is not an option!!!!!
Adultery or abandonment are the only biblical reasons for divorce. Anything
less than adultery or abandonment is not grounds for divorce. “Irreconcilable
differences” is a myth foisted on people by divorce lawyers. They’re trying to
make a buck at your expense! There are no differences that are irreconcilable
between two mature Christians who base their relationship on biblical
principles.
If you or your prospective spouse is not that mature,
you have no business getting married! Marriage will be hard enough without
having to deal with spiritual or emotional immaturity. If you are not grounded
in the truth of the bible concerning marital relationships, you have no
business getting married. You need to learn what a biblical marriage looks like
before you enter into a lifelong covenant with another person.
1 Corinthians 7:10-13 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the
Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11: But and if she depart, let her
remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put
away his wife. 12:
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that
believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13: And
the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to
dwell with her, let her not leave him.
Even if you’re married to an
unbeliever you do not have reason to divorce your spouse unless they commit adultery
or abandon you. When they abandon you, I believe that they will also apply for
a divorce at some point, then you are truly abandoned. Obviously a whole bible
study could be taught on the subject of divorce alone. But I think I made it
clear that it really isn’t an option for “Christians”.
That said, it all depends on your
relationship with Christ, your knowledge of the word of God, and your
dedication to God and each other as to how long your marriage will last. One
person can’t hold it all together; you both need to have a death grip on your
marriage if you want it to last! As soon as you quit holding fast to your
marriage, its quality will start to deteriorate. As any craftsman will tell
you, it’s harder to restore deteriorated surfaces than those that have been
well maintained.
Now
I will endeavor to show you the relationship part.
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to
knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
You may notice it said, “According to
knowledge”. How do you gain knowledge of someone or something? By studying of
course! Men, in order to have knowledge of your spouse you have to study them.
That means you have to spend time with them. You have to talk to them, and even
more incredible, you actually need to listen to them.
Men and women who have been married
any length of time know what their spouses’ “hot buttons” are. They’ve learned
the hard way what irritates their mate. They’ve also learned what makes their
mate happy, but they seem to forget what those things are very quickly. A wise
spouse will strive to remember the things that make their mate happy and
perform those actions often!
I want to ask another rhetorical question:
What takes place between you and your best friend that cements them in that
position of “Best Friend”? It’s called communication. If you don’t communicate
with each other, you have no relationship, you just have living arrangements.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.
Just as we are commanded in the bible to have constant
communication with the lover of our souls, we need to have constant
communication with our earthly lover. Men, communication is just as much listening
as it is talking. Women don’t always want us to fix things; mostly they just
want us to listen to them.
Women; men are fixers. If they try to fix what you’re
complaining about, forgive them. If they do a good job at listening instead of
fixing, let them know how much you appreciate their listening to you vent.
Men, I’m going to ask you some questions about your
spouse. I want you to answer them in your head only. I don’t want anyone to get
seriously injured over a wrong answer.
1. What is your wife’s middle name?
2. What is the date you first went out?
3. What is her favorite color?
4. What is her favorite perfume?
5. What is the date of your anniversary?
6. When is her birthday?
7. What is her favorite animal?
8. What is her favorite verse in the bible?
9. When was the last time you really listened to her?
10.
When was the last
time you told her you loved her and your actions backed up your words?
If you don’t know the answer to any of those
questions, you’re in deep trouble because your wife knows the answers to all
those questions. She will also probably remember all those questions and ask
you for the answers on the way home. Which brings us to the next part of this
message.
If the musicians will come at this time:
Thus far we have learned that there
are five things that should be the most important in your life. Would you
please repeat them with me:
1. Your personal, intimate, eternal, relationship with
God.
2. Your personal, intimate, till death do us part,
relationship with your spouse.
3. Your personal, intimate, until they leave home,
relationship with your children.
4. Your personal, intimate, till the rapture,
relationship with your local church.
5. Your personal, intimate, till you retire, relationship
with your job.
Lets repeat them again:
With every
head bowed and every eye closed, I want to ask you all a few questions.
1. The first thing I want to ask is that every married or
engaged couple in this church to hold hands.
2. The second thing I want to ask you is that if you
raise your hand to any question I ask after this point, that you use the hand
that is holding the hand of your spouse, or future spouse, but don’t let go of
it because you’re a team.
3. Is there anyone here who would like to have a
personal, intimate, ‘til death do you part, relationship with your spouse?
· If so, please raise your hand.
4. Are you willing to work toward having that personal,
intimate, ‘til death do you part, relationship with your spouse?
· If so, please raise your hand.
I would like at this time for everyone who raised
their hand to come down to this altar right now and ask God for help to improve
your marriage. I‘m not saying that you have a bad marriage; you may have a
wonderful marriage. But if you want a better marriage, a more God centered,
marriage, then I ask that you come down to this altar and pray. Those of you
who already have God centered marriages, which have a personal, intimate, ‘til
death do you part, relationship with your spouse. I want you to come down and
pray for these couples.